


Every Hetalia Character Beats Me Up (reader insert)

by SnailFriend



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Bullying, Crack, Cyberbullying, F/F, Mpreg, W Academy, ill add to the tags as the story goes on, its like a parody of old self insert wattpad fics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2020-03-05 17:35:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18833449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnailFriend/pseuds/SnailFriend
Summary: Y/n is just getting started at W Academy, and all of the students and teachers want to beat her up. What a predicament!





	1. Intro

Hi! My name is y/n. I’m a transfer student at W Academy, the most prestigious, diverse, and plot-convenient school on earth. Here’s my heartwarming story of how I overcame bullying AND found love along the way.   
It was my first day of school. I was in my dorm twirling in front of my full-body mirror. My school uniform was a red blazer, a red plaid skirt, and black over-the-knee socks. It was super duper cute!!! My family had gone without food for three weeks to buy me this uniform. I sure did hope nothing bad would happen to it.   
I walked into the school hallways with my books clutched tightly to my voluptuous, shiny chest. My family could not afford a backpack for me so I had to stuff my pencils in my cleavage and carry everything else. I took five steps and then I tripped on a stray plot and fell face-first onto the floor. My pencils flew out of my shirt and I dropped all of my books. I started to cry.  
“Help me! Someone, help me!” I cried. Everyone was staring at me with evil looks.  
“Just stand up,” someone said. Everyone laughed. Even the teachers snickered. I sniffled and crawled my way to homeroom, leaving a trail of tears and snot like a slug. When I got there, school was already over. The teacher, a German guy named Mr. Beilschmidt, glared at me and gave me a billion pages of homework. I stuffed it into my panties and cried all the way home.  
The next day I got up bright and early with a big smile on my big face. I walked into the hallway. A twinkish Canadian boy approached me.   
“U-u-uh, h-h-h-h-hello,” he whispered. “I-I-I-I-I w-w-w-w-w-wanted to w-w-w-w-w-warn you t-t-t-that all the school b-b-b-b-b-b-bullies are coming for y-y-y-y-y-y-you.” I laughed in his face.  
“Why would anyone bully somebody as perfect, hetare, and humble as me? Besides, I can handle a few insults,” I chortled.   
“B-b-b-b-b-b-but they’re v-v-v-v-v-v-v-violent,” he quivered. I ignored him and went on with my day.  
That was my first mistake. 

 

Besides tripping obviously.


	2. My friend, Kiku-kun<3

I was approaching my locker when a male student approached me. He had raven black hair and a perfectly pristine uniform. He also had eyes. He used those eyes to glare at me. “What do you want?” I asked cheerfully.   
“Meet me behind the school during lunch,” he said bluntly. Then he left really quickly. I blushed. Was this going to be my first-ever love confession? My heart pounded and I squealed. I was so super duper happy that I couldn’t focus on my work. I doodled on my notebook and hummed a happy song to myself. This was going to be the best day ever!  
When lunch finally came, I took the long, hidden, unprotected, dark, dirt-smeared path to the back of the school where nobody could see or hear me. That Japanese boy was there. I sprinted up to him and bounced up and down so that my breasts jiggled sexily.   
“Hey there, uuuuuuuhhh what’s your name again?” I said.  
“Honda Kiku.”  
“Cool! I’m y/n.”  
“I’m aware.” He took a katana out of his jacket and got into a cool anime pose. “My father is the principle of this school. I have no idea how someone like you got into our school, but your presence has put a stain on our family name. I will give you one chance to drop out before I take drastic measures.”  
“B-but I can’t afford public school,” I protested. “There’s no way I’m leaving.”  
“You’ve forced my hand. Forgive me, sensai, but I must go all out, just this once.” He cast his fedora aside and ran towards me. He slashed his katana, hitting me in the stomach. I gasped and fell backwards. Blood soaked through my uniform, but it was fine because the uniform was red. I coughed up more blood and writhed around in the dead grass. Kiku stood over me and met my eyes without a hint of remorse. “I’ll give you one last chance. Leave this school,” he ordered. His voice was icy and unforgiving. Each word was like an icicle stabbing into my heart, simultaneously stinging and numbing me with every syllable. Tears ran down my face and mixed with my blood.   
“I’ll never abandon… my precious school…”   
For a split second, his eyes narrowed and he clenched his teeth. “Forgive me, shisou. I must betray your teachings.” He lifted his katana, paused for just a moment, and plunged it into my heart.  
I blacked out.


	3. My Senpai is a Bad Boy

I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and ready for another day of school. I stepped outside and took a deep breath of air. Just then, a guy bumped into me. He had neon green hair, yellow snake eyes and red eyeshadow. His uniform was torn up and also he had a lot of piercings.   
“Watch where you’re going, you frick!” he hissed. I started to sob uncontrollably.   
“Who do you think you are?” I cried sadly but cutely.   
“Who do I think I am? I’ll have you know that I’m a Senior with average grades and a reputation for being a kidnapper and a bit rude. I like my toast to be a bit black on one side and I am diagnosed with unspecified mental conditions. I am also a proud survivor of testicular cancer, and I strive to prove that I can be ballsy even if I have no tesicals.”  
“So you’re my senpai!”  
“You wanna fricking fight?” he threatened. He stood in front of me menacingly.   
“No.”  
“That’s what I thought.” He backed off. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a box of candy cigarettes. He put one in his mouth and lit it. “Don’t mess with me ever again,” he said as he coughed uncontrollably. I nodded and ran away. 

-

So it was math class and I was shaking uncontrollably. I had never been threatened like that before. I was so scared that I peed a little bit. It would have been fine but I was wearing a skirt and standing up so it kinda got on the floor and the teacher asked me to leave. I went to the bathroom and cried.   
Suddenly, the bathroom door opened. That green-haired guy from earlier came in! I gasped from shock and instinctively covered my oppai like the cute girls in my favourite anime. “W-what are you doing, pervert?” I screamed.   
“It’s the men’s bathroom. You’re the weird one here,” he snarled. “I warned you not to get in my way, but you didn’t listen. Stupid fricks like you should burn in h-e-double hockey sticks.” He took some kiddie craft scissors out of his pocket and lunged at me. I screamed and ran into the corner so that he couldn’t get me. Somehow, he managed to corner me. He threw the scissors at my face. They bonked my head and fell onto the floor. He scrambled to pick them up and threw them again. He repeated this process several times until I fell over.   
“That’ll teach you not to mess with me,” he spat.   
“W-what’s your name?” I mumbled as my vision faded.   
“My name is Arth3r. Arth3r KirkPland.”  
“I’m y/n, nice to meet you.”  
Then I blacked out.


	4. Teen Pregnancy

I woke up and I looked at myself in the mirror. My uniform was a little wrinkled because I’d been wearing it for two days straight, but that was okay. I ran my hand through my tangled air and giggled. I was just too cute! I ran off towards homeroom as usual.   
As I entered homeroom, I realized that it was already nearly lunch time. Silly me! Mr. Beilschmidt (the math teacher one who’s first name is Ludwig, not his brother who is a gym teacher) was really mad but he tried to hide it. The bell rang and all the students headed towards the door. One of them bumped into me. He had brown hair that almost touched his shoulders and eyes that were sometimes green and sometimes blue, but usually green. He stumbled a bit and apologized.   
“Ah, so sorry about that,” he said.   
“Yeah, you’d better be sorry,” I said cheerfully with a giggle.   
Suddenly, a blonde guy walked up to me. He was wearing the girl’s uniform and his belly was all bloated and round, like a round object.   
“Like, who the fuck do you think you are? Nobody can, like, mess with my baby daddy but me. So, like, gtfo,” he said.  
“Who are you?” I asked.  
“I’m Feliks. Now, get out of my face.” He flipped me off and walked away sassily. The other guy apologized and followed him. I shrugged and walked to the lunch room. All of the chairs were taken except for one next to Feliks. I sat in it, hoping that we could all become best tomodatchis.  
“Hi, friends!” I squeed. Feliks stood up.  
“You’ve got some, like, massive fucking balls to sit there.”  
“W-what?”  
“That seat is reserved for my baby, bitch.” He rubbed his belly and narrowed his eyes. “You trying to pick a fight or whatever?”  
“I-“  
“That’s it, you’re going down!” He took out his hoop earrings and set them on the table. The other guy sweated.   
“Feliks, maybe we should just-“ he stuttered.   
“Stay out of this, Tori.” Felix lifted me out of the chair and threw me into the wall. I screamed and coughed up a tooth. Luckily it was one of the grey rotty ones. I tried to stand up, but Feliks kicked me. “Like, apologize asap,” he ordered.   
“But-“ Just then, he doubled over in pain. Water (at least I hope it was water) poured out from his crotch area and hit the floor.  
“Oh god oh fuck,” he groaned. “Like, call an ambulance.” But it was too late. He screamed as a child who looked to be about 10 years old wriggled out of him and writhed around on the floor like a fish. He had shaggy brown hair and one of those anime fang things. Tori came over and cut the umbilical cord with one of the school’s plastic knives.   
“He’s beautiful,” Tori said with tears in his eyes as he wiped the kid off with spare napkins. Feliks looked at his kid and rolled his eyes.  
“Goddamn it, it’s another one of Roma’s (romania doesn’t have a human name so I have to improvise) kids. That guy is, like, seriously too fertile.” Tori’s face went pale.  
“I’m not the father?”  
“No shit, dumbass. Now if you’ll excuse me…” Feliks went back to kicking me in the head. The kid stood up and started kicking me, too. “Hey, this kid is kinda rad or whatever. I’m gonna name him Mold. (Moldova doesn’t have a human name either lol)” Mold smiled and kicked me harder.   
The last thing I saw before I blacked out was Tori sobbing and running out of the building.


	5. Sadik? More like Sadist!

I yawned as I woke up. I grinned from ear to ear as I realized it was time for another great day at my school! I jumped out of bed, wiped the drool off my uniform, and walked out of my dorm. I hummed a little tune as I passed by the bulletin board. Then I stopped and went back to the board. I gasped. Mixed in with all the missing person posters was a club application form! I hastily took my pen out from my cleavage and filled it out. I didn’t know what club it was, but I was still excited! I was so excited that I forgot to go to class. Silly me!  
So anyways I went into the club room and greeted my new club by saying, “Haaaiii! Yuru Yuri, ha-“ then I stopped myself when I realized that referencing anime is a bad thing because anime is gay! I’m not a icky lesbo. The other club members looked at me. One of them was an ambiguous brown and had a mask on. He stood up and glared at me.  
“My name is Sadik,” he stated in a handsome voice. I blushed and looked away.  
“I-I-i’m y/n-chan,” I cooed.   
“You know I made this club as a prank, right?”  
“W-what?”  
“Yeah. I figured nobody would be dumb enough to join the ‘beat each other up and then pet cats and have gay sex’ club except for Heracles, but here you are. I gasped.  
“But gays are icky!”  
“Uh, hey man, that’s not cool-“  
“I can’t believe you, Sadik-senpai! How could you betray me like this?”  
“Wait-“  
“I’m telling the principle about your stupid club!” I started running off but he grabbed me by the shoulder.   
“Don’t. You. Dare. I was going to blame it on Heracles as an epic prank. Don’t ruin that for me.”  
“And what will you do if I tell?”  
“I’ll beat the shit out of you.”  
“I’m still gonna te-“  
He punched me in the nose, breaking it instantly. I started pouring blood like a faucet and accidentally drank some. It was kinda good, in a weird way, Sadik took off his green hoodie to reveal his muscles. He body slammed me five times and kicked me in the head. My pencils flew out of my cleavage and stabbed me in the eyes. I squirmed around, trying to feel my way around.   
“HELP! I’M BLIND, I’M BLIND!!” I screeched. But everyone brushed it off as a door creaking. Turkey grabbed my head like a bowling ball with his fingers in my eye sockets.   
“Shut. Up.”  
I felt intense pressure pushing my face, trying to crush my skull. Then I passed out.


	6. Cyberbully

I woke up ready for another day at my dream school. I dusted off my disheveled uniform and wiped the crusty eye boogers out of my (insert color here) eyes. I was just about to leave when I realized it was actually the weekend! I screamed out of excitement and threw my arms in the air. My first ever weekend at my sick new boarding school!  
“Uh, c-c-c-c-could you p-p-p-p-please shut up,” my dormmate said. She was rolled up in a blanket on the floor and crying.  
“Who are you?” I asked as I picked my arms off the ground.  
“I’ve b-b-b-b-been here the whole t-t-t-t-t-t-t-time. The school puts t-t-t-t-t-two people to a room, r-r-r-r-r-remember? I’m M-m-m-m-m-matthew’s sister.” She had one big curly hair that bounced when she talked, just like my boobs.  
“Oh, okay. Well, have fun!” I said as I grabbed a laptop off the desk.  
“W-w-w-w-w-wait that’s m-”  
I logged into tumblr and started looking through my feed. I hadn’t logged on in forever since my family was too poor to afford electronics and I got banned from the public library for watching hot yaoi hentai on their computers. Such homophobic prudes! All the sudden, I got a dm. I squeed, hoping it was a cute boy. I opened it up. It was from a guy called xxxpertHakerLeif420xxx. So cool! He said ‘Hello, y/n.’   
I typed ‘how do u no mai name OAO!!!’  
‘I know everything about you, y/n. Your (insert hair color) hair, your (insert eye color) eyes, your (insert skin tone) skin, and your secret crush on (insert secret crush here).”   
I gasped out loud and typed ‘gaspu! N-nani??’  
‘Check your blog.’  
I did that and saw a bunch of posts about all my secrets and it also said that I was a dirty rat b-word! I cried. I totally did not make those post! “How did dis happen :-:” I said verbally.   
‘I stole your passwords and posted them myself. It was pathetically easy, actually. All I had to do was hack into the school mainframe, destroy the firewall, datahack the motherboard, rewrite the terminal, and then I had access to the data record files for the whole school. From there, I reverse engineered a false id and entered the virtual machine matrix, stole your password, and logged into your account. The fake posts basically wrote themselves.’  
I almost peed myself. I’d never seen such a skilled hacker before.  
‘Y wood u do dis?’  
‘I have my reasons. You see, my father was friends with your mother (your age) years ago. She so cruelly abandoned him after he had a moment of weakness during their fateful encounter. Twas not his fault that his strength ran out once his manhood twas betwixt her luscious legs. I cannot stand by and allow such discrimination against us men who have not the power to pull out. The premature spilling of seed shant be shamed.’  
‘shut up or ill send my dad to beat u up’  
‘Your reading comprehension skills are below average, my dear. But that matters not. I have exacted my revenge.’  
‘Whats ur name tho?’  
‘Eduard von Bock. I am one of your classmates, actually. I am the estonian exchange student.’  
‘Ur so mean ;-;’  
‘Oh, I almost forgot one thing-’ A hand came out of the screen and punched me. I expected nothing less from a master hacker. I fell back, cracked my skull on the floor, and blacked out.


	7. Not Citrus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i saw a really cool yuri animes and i decided to addd some HOt yuri. dont leike, dont red! it wiw be back to normal next chaptore, dont worry ^.^

I woke up in my bed, like most days. I screamed and rolled out of bed. I landed right on top of my stupid, useless roomate. She groaned and I rolled off her. Her blanket falled off and I saw her whole tiddy.  
“Put that away you whore,” I giggled.   
“I’m s-s-s-s-s-s-orry,” she said. She scramled toc over herself but accidently fingered herself instead. I was about to scold her but my private part felt all tingly and I blushed. “I’m s-s-s-s-s-s--s-s-so sorry,” she said.  
“I’ll forgive you.”  
“Thank y-”  
“But only if you have sex with me.”  
“I-I-i-i-i-i don’t really want to.” She scooched away from me. I grabbed her wrist comfortingly.  
“Do you want me to tell the principle that you’ve been skipping class?” I whispered.   
“N-n-n-n-n-n-no,” she cried.  
“Then get on the bed.”  
“P-p-p-p-p-p-please don’t d-d-d-d-d-d-d-do this,” she said. I grabbed her by the throat to reassure her that everything was okie-doki-doki. She tried to scream (with joy I presume) so i squeezed real real tight. She squirmed around as I threw her onto the bed. She gasped for breathe. I taked off my skirt and shirt for the first time since I started school. I had on no bra and panty, like always. My roommate (i forget her name so ill call her Girl Matthew) curled up in a ball.  
“Don’t be a pussy,” I sayed as i crawled on top of her.  
“Y/N, p-p-p-please don’t do this. Y-y-y-y-y-you know this is wrong,” she warned.   
“Shut up,” I said cheerfully. I grabbed her tibby and squeezed it. I was gonna grab the other one but she didn’t have it because she lost a boob in the war. She cried again continuously.   
“S-s-s-s-s-s-something baD is gonna happpen if u keep d0ddd-d-d-d-d-d-o9mg tis,” she said.   
“I said shut up!” I reminded her as I slapped her friendily. I put my finger up her girl boochie.  
“I w-ww-w-warned you,” she said. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she started to levitate. She opened her mouth and red fog poured out. I tried to breathe, but I couldn’t. It felt like my throat was stuffed with sandpaper. Invisible ants crawled over my skin and burrowed into my tear ducts. I clawed at my skin, peeling it off in long, meaty coils. I opened my mouth and saw all of my teeth fall to the floor.   
“Why?” I somehow managed to say without breathing.   
“Your act is useless. I know who you are. I know what you’ve done. You thought you could cover it up with your cutesy anime nonsense, but your sins cannot be atoned.”  
“I’m sorry that I was rude to you,” I said.  
“This isn’t about me. Y/n, you know fully well what you’ve done. How many people you’ve hurt. How many secrets you’ve kept. I’d say you’re a terrible person, but I can’t call you human.”  
I smirked. “I guess you’re right,” I said.   
I blacked out.


	8. America Senpai is Such a Tease :3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OMG I got a letter from hollywood and netflix is going to make my fic into a movie!!! I'm SO excited so here is a bit of the script i have writted! Who do you think witll be the actors ;0? comment belowo!

Y/N: Haaaaaiiiiiiiii alfred sempai!!!!

America: *tosses a football (american kind) into the air a bunch* *does not hear yn)

Y/N: ALGFREED! SempaIIII!!!

America: I wonderr why japan i mean kiku hasn’t been at school ever since that one day… :(

Y/N: *glomps alfred* Haiiii!

America: *throws thge football in the air in suprise*

Football: *hits y/n*

Y/N: Ouchie! *boobe bounce*

Alfred: Sorry my bad

Y/n: Ur such a rude bully!

Alfred: wut

Y/N: Bullies like you should all be punsihed!

Alfred: I’m sorry I didn’t m-

Y/n: *screams and tackles america and slap him really hard and he blleed*

America: Bro what the hell? *Pushes y/n away*

Y/N : You’ve crossed me for the last time, cracker

America: 

Y/N; *blacks out*


	9. Engi-Poo

It was a few dayz after my big genocide adventure, and school finally reopened. I was sooooo excited!!! I put in my cat tail plug and sewed on my cat ears and nyaad at myself in the mirror. Im sooo cute :3  
I skipped all teh way to school. teh other students all acted very rudely tho. Most of them were shivern like lil pussies and wouldnt look at meh. others were galring at me. it made me very sad ;( wat did i do wrong???? just then, Arthur walked up and gav me a handshake. 0////w////0 his hand was all limp and clammy but it was sooooo hot!  
“Cheerio, Y/N. My, these chaps really have been put in their place, ay? Your whole genocide idea was simply splendid.” he sayed.  
“Awww shucks, i couldnt have dun it without u :3” i chirped.  
“True. Anyways, let’s get to Maths Class (they call math maths in the UK isnt that weird????) before the big bell bongs.”  
“Haiiii!” I clung to his squishy arm and we went to class. the guy who normally sat next to me was absent so engi-poo sat next to me!!! sooo romantic!!!!   
the teacher (germany) walked in with a big smelly frown on hus protruding lips. He was kinda limpin cus of what happened two dayz ago hee hee.  
“Vell Class, ich bin very tired. Ve vill take zeh day off today and you can all catch up on you are homework from last class since we had to evacuste before you could take it home.” He handed out the homework which was now axtually classwork. when he ame to my desk i spat on his hand politely.   
“I dont wanna.” i said.   
at first he did a bug scowl. he clecthed his fist, crumbling up the classwork homework in his sweaty palm. i gave him the look (u know th one ;3). his pupils got all small and he took a step bavk. the paper fell out of his hand.  
“Very vell. I suppose you can relax just for today. youve been through a lot.” im pretty sure je was blushin :0  
i gave him a kiss on the cheek and he recoiled from being too turned on. i giggled and hugged him  
“Your the bestest teacher ever!!!!”  
“Class, i’d like to announce that i’m retiring effective immeadiately” he mewled.  
i gasped and cryed really hard ontk his bosom.  
“you caaant leave me mr ludwiggg!!!!! i nsed you!” he pushed me away. i slammed into the desk and sprained my boob. “OW!”  
He stared to leave but then arthur stood up and said how dare you lay your hand on my companion. i squeed and peed a little.   
ludwig kept on going and arthur was seething in angery. he looked at me with fury in his eyes. “We can’t just let him get away! Do the thing!” he commanded.  
“Awwww thats no way to talk to ur girlfwend” i winked.  
“Girlfriend?” he pondered. “You- you know I’m gay, right?”  
“Wat ;-;”  
“Yeah. Don’t you remember my whole monologue about avenging the love of my life, Kiku Honda, who mysteriously disappeared at the beginning of the school year and was found dismembered at the bottom of the school lake with a note that said ‘sowwy’ in pink glitter ink?”  
“...N-no.”  
“Well, let me recount the ta-“  
“We must never speak of that event, fool!” I snapped cutely.  
“What?”  
“Dismembering him was a very traumatic experience for me,” I elaborated. “I mean, I’m used to it now, but you never forget your first time, you know?” I smiled.  
Arthur looked at me in stunned silence. probably because i was so sexy. then he decked me in the face. “You bloody wanker nonce” he shouted.  
“I knew you’d betray me. Never trust a man with a foot and piss fetish, kids” I said to the camera.  
the students hid under their desks.  
then the chapter ended

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back binchtes


End file.
